By Faggus Howard

xx: lace

do yourself a favor ladies: wear lace.  often.  all men love lace.  even gay men.  maybe, especially gay men.  if you are a natural born woman, you should know by now that natural born men are visual people.  we love looking at the things that turn us on and it is even better if that thing is obscured slightly.  pretty sure this stems from most of us being peeping toms at at least one point in all of our lives.  gay or straight, all men have peered through a bush or two with a boner tent making our pants fit awkwardly.  don’t try calling me a fucking perv either because hypocrisy is not a guilty pleasure-it is plain fucking guilty.  hypocrisy makes some of the spunk i swallowed earlier want to come back up.  anyway, if you (women) wear lace, you are instantly hot because we (men) can’t quite see it all.  we keep looking and trying to work it out all the while getting HOTter and wetter and harder.  wear lace ladies and non-gentile gents!  shit, if condoms were lace i would use one every single time.

xy: corduroy

guys, please wear corduroy.  please wear corduroy jackets, pants, even those fake cowboy shirts, but not all at the same rodeo.  the best corduroy colors are navy and caramel brown, but gray and chocolate should get you laid.  always chose thin pile cords – never pleated.   corduroy is masculine and sexy like mariska hargitay.  every time i see a guy in a pair of nice fitting cords or a professor corduroy blazer i am transported to my first gay porn and all its splendor.  the first gay porn i watched was pretty good too.