Faggus Says: Wear STRIPES and KNEE SOCKS Right Now!
the 4th of july has come (for some of you cum) and gone and that means the sun is in the astrological sign of cancer and that means all the whiniest, most passive-aggressive people with major daddy issues you know are about to have a birthday. let’s celebrate the shitty lives and tiny fashion successes of our two favorite cancer fuckups: lindsay lohan and courtney love. 
some would say they are cut from the exact same cloth, but i know better. while courtney is ‘nobody’s daughter’, all babydoll dresses and dating homosexuals- lindsay is everyone’s daughter, all rebellion and lesbo obsessions. they are both degenerate drug addicts who long for the adoration and warmth that was missing when they were just wee whorey, chain-smoking, finger fucking little lasses.
courtney went from pudgy loudmouth musical idiot to pathetic CPS case with multiple failed attempts at rehab and mothering. her current look is often messy but always sexy, lots of lace and weave and pasty white cold skin. you get the feeling, looking at courtney, that she is as over her tragedy as the rest of us. lindsay thinks she is just getting started, but then so did river phoenix. lilo wears lots of black and restalyne, frequently changing her hair color while consistently dingy because of the pills and her freckles. i would love nothing more than to dip them both in bleach, put a fire hose on them, and then dip in amnonia for good measure, but the whole “sad lost girl” thing is all they’ve got. good news: they have shown us the right way to wear my favorite two trends right now: stripes and knee socks.
lindsay frequently has ashy knees because she gets her fake tanner sprayed on while she going down on samro – her poor assistant. anyway, she does knee socks right, always dark but varied lengths and texture. courtney somehow knows that stripes are all about stark contrast right now, anything else looks clowny. thank you and happy birthday losers!
ps – i hope you readers had a dandy holiday weekend filled with adderal induced starry eyes, stripes on your chests, and socks at your knees…if nothing else
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